The story of the epic Saturday night in Queenstown is a combination of strong personalities, cute girls and delicious burgers. When I look back on that night, I think of the song I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas.
This is kind of long, so kudos on you if you finish it all.
Here, I'm going to provide you with a timeline of the night's events:
11:00 PM Friday - Arrived at the hostel in Queenstown. Exhausted from the treacherous, snowy, mountain driving and with the thought that we had to wake up at 7 AM the next day, we sleep early. We have a room of four for three people, and find the fourth guy's stuff in his corner, but he's nowhere to be found. He has a hat that says CANADA. A good sign.
2:00 AM Saturday - Our fourth comes into the room, with a Fergburger in hand, while we're all sleeping and the room is dark. He swears and leaves the room. Arthur (my flatmate) would later mention how it smelled like spaghetti. Our fourth comes in a bit later and snores like a sailor.
3:00 AM - Arthur wakes up, thinking the cause of the snoring is night next to him because of how loud it is. He walks over to Usman, preparing to wake him up when he realizes that it's coming from our fourth...the opposite corner away from Arthur.
7:00 AM - We wake up and meet Brian, the loud snorer. He's from Edmonton and is traveling throughout Asia and Australasia. We make small talk about hockey and his travels and promise to go out that night.
12:00 PM - We have our first Fergburger. It is, without exaggeration, the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. Usman comments that the waitress looked over at Arthur a few too many times to be casual. We laugh about the newly dubbed 'Fergburger girl' all day.
8:30 PM - We hit the town with Brian and head to an Irish Pub called Pog Mahone's. Brian describes himself as a 'Cougar Magnet'. We laugh about his snoring. They have a good band and play some good tunes. A group of young-ish girls and one guy sits across from us.
9:00 PM - One of the young-ish girls goes up on stage and sings. Everyone sings along.
10:00 PM - The group of young-ish girls leaves, leaving the single guy alone. We see him the next morning at the hostel, looking sad.
10:30 PM - Arthur and Usman go get more drinks. A group of cougars arrives, on the prowl. One strikes up a chat with Arthur and puts her hand on his thigh. Arthur tells us this at the table, mortified.
10:32 PM - The cougars take the table right next to us.
10:45 PM - Usman points out that they are constantly adjusting their cleavage. Brian points out that four out of five of them have wedding rings.
11:00 PM - Brian tells Usman to go after the one with the most cleavage (coincidentally also the oldest one); Usman feigns choking and starts laughing.
11:15 PM - The band begins to play "Sex on Fire" and the cougars get really into it, jumping up and dancing along. Obvious gonnarhea jokes occur.
11:30 PM - The lead cougar (alpha female?) taps Arthur on the shoulder, asking him if he would tell her friend that she was beautiful in French. "It would really make her night," she argues. Arthur thinks for a while and whispers, "Vous êtes très belle ce soir" into her ear. The cougars erupt in a cacophony of giggles.
12:00 AM - We decide to leave the bar and go somewhere else. We wander over to Fergburger to ask them what time they close. 5:00 AM. Nice! Fergburger gets us.
12:02 AM - We pass by a random bar and Usman is lagging behind. Suddenly, he runs up to us and says, "Fergburger girl was in that bar!" Arthur stops, turns around, and walks back a few steps. He confirms that it is indeed Fergburger by staring for a few seconds. Then he walks back to us and we continue the way we were going.
12:12 AM - We go to a bar called LONE STAR or something. Brian walks in for a bit while we wait outside. He comes out in a few seconds. "These cougars are everywhere!" he says.
12:30 AM - Around this time we arrived at BARMUDA where there is loud music and people are dressed up as nurses, army men and one lady has a chinese farmer hat on.
12:31 AM - Oh, and there's also two drunk girls dancing on the bar.
12:45 AM - We get drinks, and notice the the waitress/bartender is the hottest girl we've ever seen. No, that doesn't do her justice. If you had Heidi Klum and Megan Fox merge into one person, and then combine the result with the hottest girl you can think of, times fifty, AND THEN MULTIPLY BY A MILLION, you'd only have a fraction of how hot this girl was. We ceremoniously dub her 'Super Hot Waitress'.
1:00 AM - Someone tells us that it's a company party and it's a MASH theme. The chinese farmer hat was, in fact, korean.
1:02 AM - Brian get fake-hit on by a gay guy. A bunch of girls near fake-gay guy immediately flock to him. Brian is angry that he just got used.
1:15 AM - I think around this time 'Summer of 69' started playing and Super Hot Waitress started dancing around. Our jaws drop.
1:30AM - Usman and Brian go outside for a smoke and talk to some girl. Me and Arthur, just blitzed by all the crazy stuff happening in the bar, the Super Hot Waitress, and all that's happened on the night, exchange rounds of WTF over and over again. At this point, we'd realized the night had reached epic.
1:31 AM - Usman comes out and tells us Brian is going to get laid by the lady in the korean farmer hat.
1:32 AM - Brian comes back and corrects Usman.
1:45 AM - Around this time we went back to Fergburger. There was a huge line (10 or so people).
1:50 AM - The cashier asks us where we're from and we say Canada. Arthur mentions Toronto and the cashier nods. I mention Vancouver and the cashier and I get into a semi-long discussion about Vancouver and the mountains. Arthur expresses dislike for my constant use of the phrase "Best Place on Earth."
1:52 AM - A random British guy complains about the wait and talks about how if he were from Vancouver, he'd get better service.
2:00 AM - Brian's order is up and he excuses himself from the random British guy, saying, "Excuse me, I'm from Vancouver."
2:01 AM - Someone makes a joke about how Arthur should hook up with Fergburger girl to get free burgers. We laugh and think about everything that happened on the night as we go home.